Well, that was a weird couple of days and no mistake.
It had all started when that big fucker Tuakiin set fire to the Redbrand’s pub for no reason that had ever been adequately explained. He’d been having a quiet pint in the other inn when all the commotion hauled him out for a look. Of course he dived straight in to help the big guy, and got a fucking pasting for his trouble, but when you’re a Captain you look out for your people even when they fuck up. The Redbrands all died in the town square, so job done.
At least until that fucking sheriff stuck his bony nose in. Kronen or Krogen or whatever the fuck his name was. Obviously a cunt, but Brond hadn’t lived this long in the world without learning that there are cunts you can do business with, and cunts you can’t. After the usual pushing and shoving it seemed the sheriff had finally decided to be the second kind, so off we trooped to raid the Redbrand’s HQ and rescue his little sister.
That went OK. Brond dropped a couple of the Redbrand fuckers out in the open, and took out some more once they got down into the lair. He took another pasting for the team, of course, but that’s par for the course. He even found it in him to be merciful to the Redbrand prisoner – a little lass, but pretty mean with a dagger as Brond had discovered. Still, the god-botherers in the team wanted her spared, and keeping the team together was more important than this one girl. And if he hadn’t spared her life, he wouldn’t have had the sight of her naked arse vanishing into the treeline, so everyone’s a winner.
After that, rescuing the girl was a doddle. Not that she bothered to thank Brond or anything, but hey, at least they’d reduced the Redbrands’ while maintaining their own. Not quite evening the odds, but at least tilting them back a bit.
By now, Brond was looking forward to a long sleep, a hot bath, and a bit of the old in-out-in-out with Ser Lia (not much cop on the battlefield, but so what? These posh birds are always dirty as fuck, that’s why Brond likes them). But it was not to be. The bloody wizard turned up with his three bugbears, and the best Brond could manage with the bird was a quick knee-trembler behind the stable before she fucked off back to her Baron.
By this time Brond was knackered as fuck, and there were bits of that battle that he just completely blanked on, but he definitely took out two of the damn bugbears with rapiers in the back, saving the kid Kai from a serious mauling. The kid was still pretty shook up, but a bit of paternal advice from Brond soon sorted him out. The kid’s got heart, even if he does insist on hitting things with his hands. One of these days Brond would have to explain to him why people invented swords.
Anyway, that was it. The battle was done, the wizard was dead and the sheriff had fucked off somewhere with his ungrateful sister. Time for bed.
Brond awoke refreshed and at peace with the world, but it wouldn’t last. He wasn’t half way through his breakfast pint when the sheriff’s sister barged in to the pub. For some reason, Brond’s light-hearted quip about seeing her now fully dressed set her off something fierce, and she went for him right then and there. Se was lucky that Brond did the whole officer and a gentleman bit – even when she tried to draw on him – and just put her in an armlock instead of stabbing her in the heart and getting on with his pint as he had every right to do.
Anyway, it turned out there was some bullshit with her brother and a dragon, and apparently he’d stabbed some poor cunt on his way out of town. To be honest, Brond tuned most of that stuff out. It’s not like he was going to mount a rescue mission for that prick, was it?
No, Rima’s idea of looting the Redbrand’s place with the key she’d found on one of the bugbears was a much better plan. Turned out the girl could be of some use there, or so she said. She could get us in, but she wanted all – seriously, all – of the loot from one particular room. Which would of course be the only room worth looting. As a “thank you for saving my life”, it was pretty fucking thin, and Brond wasn’t alone in that thought. Some of the party members were objecting furiously to this attempting shafting, which it obviously was, but the girl wasn’t budging. It looked like they might need to raid the HQ without her help, which could be a fatal undertaking, so Brond took the simple step of happily agreeing to whatever the girl demanded. With the full intention of stabbing her in the throat as soon as the mission was over. Come on, what did she expect to happen? If you don’t share, you’re not part of the team. And if you try to fuck the team over, you get fucked by Brond.
He shared this plan with Rima, who turned out to be fine with it as long as she wasn’t nearby when it happened. Brond could happily give her that assurance.
So anyway, they went in again and there was fuck all there, except for a great big fucking chest sitting there right slap in the middle of the room that the girl (Stella, was it? Doesn’t matter much now) had claimed for herself. She insisted on carrying the damn thing out herself, which suited Brond just fine. It’s hard to avoid being stabbed when you have a heavy load.
Another trip through the woods at night, and not a peep out of this Stella girl about maybe sharing some of the loot in gratitude for us having rescued her from a slave pen, even though it was clear to every fucker for ten miles around that she had thoroughly shafted the team. Time for Operation Stab.
Rima and Kai would normally scout ahead, and Brond sent Tuakiin up with them to spare his feelings. These godly types can be very fussy about this stuff, but Brond was sure that Tuakiin knew what the score was. Why else would he send the least stealthy member of the team up on point? But if a bit of plausible deniability would help someone with their conscience, Brond would always be happy to oblige.
The stabbing went fine – she cried out a bit, but hey ho. Jasmine seemed a bit put out by the whole thing, probably just surprised – she didn’t make any serious attempt to intervene or anything.
Beside the body on the ground was the chest. These things usually have some kind of trap on the lock, so Brond decided to cut the crap and just caved it in with his boot. Right enough, some kind of poison gas came out, but it was no big deal.
There was loads of money and stuff inside.Result. Then the rest of the team arrived. They’d obviously been running, and they looked a bit annoyed. Never mind. Brond was sure they’d calm down when he’d explained the situation to them.